It’s a cozy morning isn’t it Mantown?

Just another blond girl here, reporting on the ups and downs of living in paradise…

Leaving a legacy?

Lately, I’ve been addicted to Pinterest – you know another one of those silly apps on my phone, diligently blinding me from the actual world, providing me with generous hours of sensory satisfaction like a silver spoon beside an un-touched jar of Nutella.

As a lover of beautiful things, this particular app has thankfully won my attention over its’ other big brothers whom often trigger desire and frustration (you know exactly what I’m talking about).

Pinterest is Nutella for my eyes. I figure that if I am going to continue to avoid the world by spending too many waking moments with this little rectangle of energy in my palms it might as well be inspiring?

In scanning through the multitude of colourful images, photography and quotes this one brought me to a halt:

“Please think about your legacy, because you are writing it everyday.”

My Legacy? I thought.

My God, I have forgotten to think of my life like this!

I mean – I’m sure I have at some point. With the hours of transformational personal development coaching and training I’ve humoured, I am actually one hundred percent sure I have thought of this before. I’m also one hundred percent sure I haven’t thought of it in these terms lately.

What is my legacy?

What do I want to leave behind?

I continued to scroll down past images of painted trees, beautiful beach houses, glittery stones, zebra stripes and sunsets over the ocean and then another small square popped up embracing a few unsettling words…

“The things you are passionate about are not random, they are your calling.”

I like that my phone is clever today – it’s picking up on my vulnerability and calling it to the surface.

It’s not a surprise that my mind has been driven to analyse this particular phrase. The past few months have asked me to interrogate my purpose because I am eerily aware when the sidewalk isn’t flowing beneath my feet.

Any period in my life when I am not walking towards ‘that’ which I know in my heart I must pursue, especially if it scares the crap out of me, I get sick. I’m not joking – physically I shut down.

And so while I sit here in bed coughing and sniffling, I am drawn to ask myself, yet again, “Am I living my purpose or am I caught in a bubble of sand, savasanas and soy lattes?”

This splendid question isn’t new. We can see it in each other’s eyes as we walk down the street. There is often distress beneath our clothes and smiles caused by constantly reviewing the same human dilemma…

“Am I in the right relationship? Does she love me? Does he like me? Does my job challenge my potential? Am I afraid of taking a risk and losing everything? What am I supposed to do? Did I say too much? Did I not say enough? Am I being unrealistic? I am being ungrateful? Have I forgotten what I am passionate about? Do I have enough money to follow my dreams? Am I lazy? Do I need to move to a different city? Do I need to move to a different house? I don’t know if I can trust myself? I can’t tell the difference between my intuition and my mind? Am I too late?”

They can go on and on…Excuses in the form of questions – Fantastic aren’t they?

I don’t believe they are bad or wrong or require dismissal. I think they are valid and useful and necessary. They are that which drives us forward forcing us to look at the disappointment and pain and the lack of flow when we feel it – otherwise we are truly stuck, aren’t we?

My Yoga teacher repeatedly said, “Wherever you go, there you are…”

(So true Baron!)

I don’t think we need to escape ourselves. I want to provide more time, space and softness to sit down and listen to myself.

The little blond girl who is tapping at my shoulder asking these questions shouldn’t be ignored or forgotten or told that she is just afraid. She is actually the wise one. If I give wisdom, it will save your soul. If I listen to my wisdom I can save my soul. The gift of wisdom is the best gift.

Us humans need to feel important. We want to know our place here on earth and we are all very aware of how easily opportunities can slip away. So blond girl, what are your greatest gifts and how do you want to share them now?

I’m not one hundred percent sure?

Maybe that’s ok. Maybe not knowing for a long while is ok?

I think I’ll  just sit with my sniffles and close my eyes and start to daydream about that which makes my heart skip a beat. I won’t let the excuses interrupt this time.

My very wise friend passed along a question to ask myself when stuck in this human dilemma, “When you are at home, without anywhere to be, without anything to do, what do you Google?”

Amazing! (So current)

What if I allowed myself to follow just the things that make me smile when I think about them – Nothing more, nothing less.

I’m going to give it a go:

Time.

A pen and paper.

Daydreams.

Pinterest.

Listening and feeling. (After all one can’t go without the other can it?)

I continue to scroll down past the image of a young monk in a hallway, pink flamingos, a typography template for the letter ‘Z’, a woman in a ball gown underwater, a turquoise tiled bathroom, a vintage poster from Africa, a record player, a pink wooden door against a white wall, the perfect wave, the tattoo of an owl, a black and white photograph of sneakers in the rain, a tent that looks like a watermelon, the ceiling of a Moroccan temple, a crystal chandelier, a white wolf….

These are the things I LOVE. These images are my passion. This is what I Google. This is my path. It’s right here in front of me and I already know it. I’ve just forgotten to buy a bus pass to the land where they all come together.

What I love is what I must do. I will borrow a remarkably simple question that another wise friend presented me this week. It provides guidance when our heads think they have a right to take over our hearts and cause distress:

“What would love do?”

Thank you friend. This has been the most useful guidance anyone has offered me in a long time.

…And finally another quote came up on the screen.

“Isn’t it scary to be ready to die at such a young age?”

Ultimately, answering ‘yes’ to this question is my objective. I had that moment not so long ago…The actual realization that I could leave this world today with the acknowledgement and pride that I have lived a really wonderful life. I guess there’s not so much to worry about then, is there?

The thing is though, I really still love this life and I have a lot of things that I can’t wait to do and see and share with you. I’m not done yet.

We’ll never know will we? All we can do is ask and listen…What would LOVE do?

xx