Good Morning Mantown,

Just another blond girl here reporting on the ups and downs of living in paradise…

The wind is magnificent in paradise today. When energy is stagnant, nature sweeps in and forces change despite choice and perceived readiness. In moments things seem within my control. Maybe some things are within my control and yet life responds to the constant fluctuation between my resistance vs. my ability to trust, release, flow and allow.

Despite the recognition of the natural flow of life, I struggle sometimes. I have days where I feel so much and I want to be able to express in words what I am experiencing and I don’t know how? I walk into a yoga room multiple times per week and lead hundreds of people through a potentially transformational process…speaking to them from my heart and so often, the people I want to express words too aren’t there listening and when they are my words get stuck.

I sat in meditation yesterday morning and after a few minutes of busy thought I began to feel my body. I scanned along my spine to concentrate on right now and not the incessant stories in my head. With my eyes closed I recalled the space above my head. The space I often forget exists. This space reminds me that the entire world is around and underneath me.

Everyone I know in my life, everyone I have ever known in my life, as well as what I believe to be every other person I still have yet to meet exists in this abundant cosmos above.

How do I know this? I just do. I know. I don’t know why I know – this is the predicament!

Every once and a while I am blessed with a visit from someone in particular. Some days when I sit quietly I get to share a few words with my Grandmother who passed away a year ago. She has visited me quite frequently over the past few months. She is always beaming with pride and refers to me in the Belgian term for ‘little one’. (I have no idea how to spell it in Flemish?)

I have been visited recently by my three Uncles – Uncle Brian, Uncle Barry and Uncle Bill. Upon recounting these visits with a dear friend, he asked me to consider naming these visits “JUST B” – The most simple reminder to relax with what is.

When team JUST B arrives they rarely say much, usually just a word or two, usually a very essential and cheeky response to something I have asked for help with. I rarely remember to ask for help. They always provide an answer and a grin.

Fortunately this week, quite a few people surround me. Some characters long forgotten – acquaintances who I met a handful of times before they passed away, but there they are above my head speaking to me and watching. Sometimes they cheer me on.

One of these special visits was from my friend Cari. She passed away nearly two and a half years ago now. It feels like yesterday. She didn’t say anything, not like last time, but she came to me and smiled – that gorgeous, massive grin that never ceased to propel happiness into the sprits of anyone nearby. It’s interesting that later in the day Facebook told me it was her Birthday.

Sometimes I feel really alone when I forget that I am not alone at all.

Sometimes life seems overwhelming.

People have suggested I am an Empath.

What is an Empath? Well, I did some research and here is my summary based on the collective intelligence and my personal experiences…

• I feel everything
• I am extremely sensitive to energy in any form
• I know things and don’t know why I know them
• People and places can overwhelm me – I feel you and you and you and you…
• I can’t read the news because I become the news
• I know what you’re really saying beneath those words
• I (unfortunately) have been known to pick up your physical symptoms
• I suffer from frequent ailments
• I hold space for your problems (usually too much to my own detriment)
• I am a great listener
• I am always tired
• I love wine – wine gives me a break!
• I love ‘hippy healing stuff’ – the only other people who understand me!
• I am very creative and need to be close to nature
• I refuse to do anything I do not enjoy
• I need to know the WHY/HOW & WHO behind everything – Can someone please explain this?
• I am easily distracted and need stimulation
• I HATE clutter – it feels too busy and yet my personality often seems cluttered
• I make up incredible stories in my head
• I am sensitive to food and noise
• I do not like old, used things as they carry old, used energy and if it isn’t nice I can feel it
• I can sense ghosts/spirits/energy that many others cannot see
• I am the physical manifestation of a roller coaster with a very calm and grounded base

This gift of feeling is wonderful. It delivers a possibility for connection that many people could only dream of and with this gift also comes a great deal of mental anguish too.

I often struggle defining the difference between my thoughts and my feelings. My intuition has proven to be as solid as a rock and sometimes my thoughts are even stronger.

I repeatedly ask myself the question, “Is desire for something blinding me from my intuition and allowing my intellect to devise a seeming ‘feeling’ when in fact it’s not that at all”?

The only escape I have discovered is to engage with the world when I feel stuck. I need to look into your eyes and even touch you. I need you to pull me back out. I need the wind to mess up my hair even though it pisses me off and to jump in the ocean so she can clean me off. I need to sweat and run out of breath. I also need silence and rest. I need healthy food and to allow the thoughts to drain out. Sometimes I need to get really drunk and cry. I cry a lot. Crying is good.

Being an Empath is magical and it requires effort to navigate the simplest aspects of my world…

I question today whether I have a choice with this character trait – Is it me? Am I it?

My uber sensitive feelings aren’t going anywhere. I don’t mind them either. The shivers running up and down my spine multiple time per day deliciously remind me of how profound this energetic world is. Do I have a choice to turn them off? Maybe, but why would I? The days of connection are worth the cumbersome ones.

Nonetheless, if you happen to cross paths with this blond girl anytime soon, you can better understand the layers of occurrence I am witnessing with every step in this world. If you catch me on a good day, I’ll be beaming and laughing and bouncing around.

On some of those harder days, well it’s extremely obvious, I can’t hide my feelings even if I try. On these days can you please give me hug, ask me to look into your eyes, throw me in the ocean and maybe even take me dancing?!

xx